thinking night

thinking night = stay up heheh



now a weird topic, thinking about myself.
( It may be a little rambly, but note that these thoughts just pour out of my mind)

To me, thinking about myself and my actions is like watching a movie about my actions, without the popcorn and the comfy seat. Like right now, example, am I really typing a blog post in the middle of the nighthe, am I just seemingly putting in my version of whatever i am doing right now? Am I really there? This is further emphasized by sudden events that may cause grief or extreme happiness. I may not just realise I am there, doing whatever I do, and then do something recklessly, thinking it is all unreal. When some really bad things happen and I hide in my bed, I really wonder if I am in this world or not, and I star t to space out. Could I really be in some theater watching my own life story? No wonder why people need reality to sink in, like some people who win millions in a lottery (wish i were that lucky) or others who lose 5 of their family members in a freak accident (ouch) Sometimes I even wonder if I am really living, and experiencing the fun of being alive and such, and experiencing boring events (like the event that we are forced to go to five times a week -- just kidding) But thinking about myself allows me to reflect, and not wonder if im in a movie everytime. So thinking about myself is in essence me in a stand up theater watching through the character eyes a movie and thinking, should he be doing that and such. What a weird post. Brr